You've noticed. I've noticed. Heck, even Pluto's noticed, and the two rarely cross paths. The sun is the weakest he's been in at least four or five years. Bill Tomley, the sun's personal fitness trainer, confirmed this early Sunday morning. Tomley, employed by NASA, stated that the sun recently purchased the P90X DVD's but declined further comment. When the sun could not be reached, reporters looked to the skies for more information.
"The sun's really been letting himself go," said one asteroid who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "You know on Scooby-Doo when Scooby would flex his muscle, and then it would immediately droop down toward the floor? That's what I'm talking about." The asteroid continued, "He's got a lot on his mind, so I feel for him, but at some point it's like, come on, man--do some deep-knee squats or something."
Earth's moon spoke to reporters freely: "I beat him in an arm wrestling contest last week for the first time--I think ever." When asked if she thinks that the tides have permanently turned, the moon admitted that her win may have been a fluke. "I have a lot of faith in the sun. And in P90X. Now that I think about it, I may have more faith in P90X. Tony Horton is a boss."
In an interview this week, Sirius shared that he wants the best for the sun and would even be willing to train with him. "I don't usually work out," said the star, anxiety mounting in his voice, "but I feel like somebody's got to do something. That's the only sun we've got!"
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