The Annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show came to a screeching halt on Tuesday, when judge Simon Astley unexpectedly questioned the very foundations of his existence. While examining the Best of Breed Yorkshire Terrier, Astley suddenly began to shout and gesticulate wildly. "What's the point?!" Astley reportedly screamed. "Is this even a REAL DOG??" After attempting to calm him, Westminster authorities decided to remove Astley mid-competition.
"This situation is completely unprecedented," said Westminster President Tim Sanders. "We consider the presence of highly groomed canines and hideously dressed handlers to be a very psychologically stabilizing environment for all of our staff members." After caucusing backstage, the remaining judges decided to replace Astley with an equally qualified 12 year old audience member. "I picked the brown dog 'cause she's the softest," the unnamed judge explained after the round ended.
Astley refused to comment on the incident, but a close friend, Samantha Herald, hypothesized that the Yorkshire Terrier's handler may have reminded Astley of his Philosophy 101 Instructor. "She really pushed us to explore the edge of knowledge," Herald said. "He was just in the right head space at the wrong time."
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