In a shocking new study conducted by entomologists at the University of Florida and published in The Journal of Insect Science last week, researchers report witnessing whole hordes of mosquitoes rapidly gaining the ability to mutate into pennies, nickels, and dimes.
"While it seems like something out of a Transformers movie, evolutionarily it makes a lot of sense," said head scientist Alfred Wildrew. "If insects can masquerade as a pile of loose change, they can attack us easily and with minimal effort." As we reach unsuspectingly into our pocketbooks to buy a Coke or fill our piggy bank, Wildrew suggested that the mosquitoes could remutate into their insect form and launch a quick and devastating attack.
Another member of the study, Hannah Yew, cautioned that there was no cause for alarm just yet: "we are only seeing this evolutionary jump in a select number of insects, and as of the publication of this study none of them have been able to transform into quarters."
Still, both U.S. Health Officials and representatives from The United States Mint have scheduled a summit meeting to discuss the possible outcomes of this epidemic. With the rise in insect bites, will the threat of diseases like malaria increase? Will the spike in coins cause inflation? Should proprietors treat insect-coins as counterfeit? Wildrew said it may take years to know anything for sure. Meanwhile, scientists recommend dousing all purses and wallets with DEET as a safety measure.
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